A nineteenth-century humorist once warned that a bigger problem than knowing little is “to know so many things that ain’t so.” Well, Americans know “many things that ain’t so” about cohabitation and marriage.
A new Pew
Research Center study shows Americans both cohabitate (“live
with an unmarried partner”) and find cohabitation acceptable more than before.
But other research shows this is unwise. Here is what the Pew Research Center
found.
More young adults have cohabited than have married. Pew’s
analysis in the summer of 2019 of the National Survey of Family Growth found
that, for the first time ever, the percentage of American adults aged 18-44 who
have ever cohabited with a partner (59 percent) exceeded the percentage of
those who have ever married (50 percent).
It should be noted, however, that
the current living arrangements of adults of all ages still show a
strong preference for marriage: 53 percent of American adults are currently
married, while only 7 percent of adults are currently cohabiting (although cohabitation
has risen from only 3 percent in 1995). These findings may either reflect that
many people cohabit first and then marry, or that cohabiting relationships are
less stable and thus much shorter than marriages.
A majority of Americans (69 percent) say that “it is
acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together even if they don’t plan to
get married.” They may assume that they can decrease their chances of a bad
marriage and increase their chances of a good one by giving the relationship a
cohabitation “test run.”
Sixteen percent say cohabitation is acceptable only if the
couple plans to get married. Just 14 percent hold a view consistent with a
biblical sexual ethic, that cohabitation with an unmarried romantic partner
outside of marriage is “never acceptable.”
This widespread approval of cohabitation may be the result
of the public believing “things that ain’t so.” The Pew poll demonstrates that
public holds some perceptions of cohabitation that are at odds with previous
empirical research (not covered in the Pew report) on
cohabitation outcomes. Here is what many Americans believe, contrasted
with the reality shown from existing research.
A plurality of Americans believe cohabitating before
marriage yields more successful unions. Nearly half of Americans (48 percent)
believe that couples who live together before marriage “have a better chance of
having a successful marriage.” This view is even more prevalent among young
adults aged 18-29 (63 percent).
Another 38 percent of all Americans say cohabitation
“doesn’t make much difference” on marital success. Only 13 percent of Americans
believe cohabiting couples have “a worse chance” of having a successful
marriage.
The reality: Couples who cohabitated before marriage are
more likely to divorce. Cohabitation’s effect on marital success has been
empirically tested, and the results are clear: couples who cohabit before
marriage are more likely to get divorced, not less.
A 2018 article published
by the Institute for Family Studies said this “premarital cohabitation effect”
is so well-known, “It has a long and storied history in family science.”
Contrary to popular belief, cohabitation is not “practice” for marriage.
Instead, it is “practice” for lacking commitment, keeping one’s options open,
and focusing on the short-term rather than the long-term. Such attitudes are
antithetical to a successful marriage and may increase the risk of marital failure.
Most Americans believe cohabitating couples raise children
just as well as married couples. Pew also surveyed people’s opinions about
cohabiting couples raising children, and 59 percent of Americans declared that
cohabiting couples “can raise children just as well as married couples.” Again,
the younger respondents were most likely to have a favorable view of
cohabitation: among adults aged 18 to 49, 67 percent agreed cohabiting couples
do just as well, while 32 percent said: “Married couples do a better job
raising children.”
The reality: Children of cohabitating parents face higher
risks of negative outcomes. The Pew survey’s question focused on the perceived
parenting skills of the couple rather than the actual outcomes for the
children. The actual outcomes are notably worse for the kids.
While Americans are optimistic about the ability of
cohabiting couples to raise children, a study published by the American
College of Pediatricians in 2014 reported that children whose
parents cohabit face a higher risk of: “premature birth, school failure, lower
education, more poverty during childhood and lower incomes as adults, more
incarceration and behavior problems, single parenthood, medical neglect and
chronic health problems both medical and psychiatric, more substance, alcohol
and tobacco abuse, and child abuse,” and that “a child conceived by a
cohabiting woman is at 10 times higher risk of abortion compared to one
conceived in marriage.”
Much of what Americans believe about cohabitation is
factually incorrect. If Americans knew the truth about the risks and
consequences of premarital cohabitation, perhaps they would be less likely to
approve or practice it.